Is shame getting in your way?

Here’s the thing about shame…

It can sneak up on us when we least expect it. At our most vulnerable moments in life.

And shame is often one of the biggest barriers to getting out of a rut. It holds us back in two major ways:

1. Shame keeps you from being honest with the people around you – mostly yourself! – about what’s really going on.

You put on a brave face.

When people ask how you’re doing, you say things are ‘good’. Small talk and superficial topics have become the norm.

You try to stay optimistic and ‘look on the bright side’ of life.

Anything to keep an air of normality and to prevent others from knowing the dark place you’re in.

But it keeps things dark. Hidden. And loneliness and self-isolation creep in.

It’s uncomfortable and leaves you with a pit in your stomach but nowhere to hide from the judgment of others and the judgment from yourself. The worst part is knowing that whatever rut you’re in is self-inflicted on some level and you should have known better than to get yourself to this point.

But here you are.

Embarrassed and ashamed at how low your life has taken you.

Maybe your last business failed and you don’t know what you’re going to do next.

Maybe you’ve been stuck at your level for years while “less talented” coworkers have accelerated past you on the corporate ladder.

Maybe your wife just asked you for a divorce after you’ve fallen short of your promise to provide a comfortable, happy home.

But this situation you’re in isn’t you.

You’re smart.

You went to a good school and got good grades.

You’ve made good money in the past.

Your life was full of potential. You’ve checked all the boxes.

“How the hell did I end up here?” you ask yourself every time you look in the mirror. This isn’t my life.

But it is. You’re so ashamed of letting it get this bad you don’t talk about it….to anyone.

And that’s the problem.

Not looking at the problem, pretending it will go away, is preventing you from getting help and fixing the problem.

OR

2. The fear of doing something that might fail and cause embarrassment holds you back from taking risks and taking control of your career and life. 

Even when your gut says it’s the right thing to do.

Maybe you haven’t hit rock bottom. But you’re stuck.

A series of underwhelming or undermining bosses have left your career on a plateau and your confidence waning.

Or maybe you’re in a marriage you know is holding you back and you’re just not aligned to the same vision moving forward.

But the thought of making a bold change leaves you in a cold sweat.

What will people think? What happens if you fail at something different? What does that say about you? Your identity?

Often it is the fear of judgment, embarrassment (and ultimately shame) that holds us back from taking those bold risks and following our hearts.

The result? A safe, comfortable, existence.

No excitement.

No challenge.

Resignation to the status – lackluster – quo.

So here’s the thing, if you can relate to anything in the examples above, don’t let shame prevent you from getting the help you need.

You deserve to live a life full of excitement, challenge, fulfillment, and success.