The 5 REAL reasons you haven’t got your mojo back yet

I speak to guys all the time who tell me they’re in a rut.

They’ve been in a rut for a while now – years, sometimes decades. 

But when push comes to shove and it’s time to make a change, I see the same five things stop guys in their tracks from really stepping up and making the bold actions required to get out of their rut for good. 

If you’ve been wanting to get out of your rut for a while, but bump up against resistance every time you try, take note, because chances are one – or many – of these major blocks has been holding you back too. 

 

1. SEDUCTIVE COPING MECHANISMS

 

When life gets tough, we all find ways to cope: exercising, meditation, going out with friends for a drink or watching TV.  

If you’re human, you have them. But some are WAY more concerning than others:

• When that can of beer or glass of wine turns into 4 every night to escape the angst you’re feeling
• When your social smoking habit turns into a pack-a-day habit
• Recreational drugs, porn, extra-marital affairs (physical or emotional)
• Binge-watching Netflix or binging on social media and youtube as the hours pass by
• Becoming more irritable with the people around you because you can’t handle the stress or frustration any longer and it comes pouring out

These are the things that keep you preoccupied so you don’t have to face the real issues in your life and the real pain and suffering you’re feeling.

But numbing the pain or distracting yourself from the pain is only keeping you stuck…in the pain.

And unhealthy coping mechanisms only lead to more destruction – for you, your health (mental and physical), your loved ones, and your career.

 

2. NORMALIZING THE SUCK

 

“Dave down the street just lost his job too.”

“Most entrepreneurs have to fail at least 3 times before their fourth business is finally a success.”

“Everyone is suffering because of COVID.”

“Every guy experiences a mid-life crisis or existential crisis around this point in their life.”

“This rut in our marriage is just a phase….everyone goes through this at some point… everyone with kids X age goes through this.”

“My Dad/brother/uncle/cousin had the same thing….it runs in the family.”

In other words: “This is NORMAL” you tell yourself.

And, hey, I’m not here to tell you the issues you’re dealing with aren’t common. But don’t be fooled into thinking they are normal.

Because that robs you of thinking there can be a better way NOW.

And so you lower your standards to the average of the people you surround and compare yourself with.

And you never make any real effort to break free of the chains of mediocrity and go after what you really do want. The dream that will set you free.

 

3. STORIES AND LIES YOU TELL YOURSELF

 

We, humans, are storytellers. In fact, the Bard is one of the oldest professions (next to the ‘other’ oldest profession).

But when you tell yourself stories that aren’t true, those lies wreak havoc to your confidence, self-esteem, energy, motivation, and drive.

“I’m just not good enough.”

“I’m destined for another failure.”

“I’ve jinxed myself” or “I’m just unlucky.”

“If I fail at the one dream I’ve had all my life, I won’t know what to do, so better stick to this crappy but stable job.”

“Losing my energy, drive, motivation is just a fact of getting older.” (this one really bothers me when I hear it because it’s NOT a fact)

“It’s too late to make a change.”

“My family needs the stability my crappy but stable job provides, so I can’t start that new business I’ve always dreamed of.”

“What would my parents/wife/kids/neighbors/ex-wife think?”

“I need to have all my ducks in a row before making a bold move.” (which leads to paralysis by analysis and nothing ever gets done)

Any of these sound familiar?

Depending on your circumstances, every one of them might sound logical and legit.

But they’re all bogus. And deep down you know they are too.

But these lies you tell yourself are easy to hide behind and escape the reality that you’re struggling and haven’t found a way out yet. 

 

4. RATIONALIZING THE RESIGNATION

 

“It’s not that bad,” you tell yourself as you back your fifth drink of the night.

Or “I can go through the motions for another 5-15 years until I can finally retire and really start living.”

“I don’t even hear my wife nagging or complaining anymore, I just tune her out or get up and go to the next room.”

Ouch. That’s harsh.

Apathy. Acceptance that your life is far from what you expected it’d be. Resigning to “this is how it’s going to be”.

It’s a sign that you’ve let things slide for too long.

Life has beaten you up and you’re afraid you don’t have what it takes to get back up.

So you resign yourself to staying stuck. 

 

5. MARTYRDOM

 

“But you don’t understand…” is almost always how this excuse starts…..

“My boss is a tyrant…” 

“My aging parents need help and I’m the only one of my siblings that does anything to help them…”

“I’m an only parent / I’m a widower and so my kids need all the attention I’ve got…”

It’s not my fault.

I’m surrounded by rotten circumstances.

The problem is you’re using external factors to justify how you got into this rut to begin with and why you can’t get out.

The reality is all men have external pressures, demands and hardships.

But stuck in martyrdom, thinking your situation is somehow worse and therefore the REASON you can’t _______ (fill in the blank with your dream).

The truth is that some of my best clients have had the biggest challenges and obstacles.

Yet they showed up committed to getting their outcomes, coachable with the feedback I provided and resourceful to overcome anything: bankruptcy, divorce, a child’s death, Stage 4 cancer diagnosis, COVID.

So, what’s getting in your way of making real change in your life?

From stepping up and getting out of your rut once and for all?

From re-claiming your confidence, swagger and power to make it all happen.

Don’t make it harder than it needs to be.